scared nervous excited

Posted in Uncategorized by Diana on October 6, 2009

Today marks a turning point, or rather, I dare say, a tipping point.

I booked my one-way ticket to California.  I decided to get rid of my possessions and made it public information. The buzz around the office about my departure has made its way back to me.

Peace Corps’ reading material has left me full of emotions.

I am scared. I read and read and read about the “Peace Corps experience.” I read blogs. I read books. I read anything I could get my hands on. No matter how much I digest, I know I won’t have first-hand knowledge of the experience until I experience it on the ground. I’m scared I won’t make an impact because I so desperately want to leave one. I realize it took me between six months to a year before I felt good at my job and then was able to add on subsequent projects. How long will it take me to adjust to the culture and understand my community overseas? I understand each person’s PCV experience is unique – what will be mine?

I am nervous. This marks a new chapter in my life. How will the pages be filled? What anecdotes will there be? How will I pack everything into two suitcases?

I am excited. I look forward to being in Southern California for a couple months. I can’t wait to spend the holidays (Christmas, New Years, my birthday) with my family and friends. I will eat for two straight months – mom’s home cooking, authentic Mexican food (Michoacan anyone?), Japanese, Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese, In and Out! I can’t wait to not pay rent!

I’m happy with who I’ve become in the last 2-3 years. I am a stronger person. I might’ve stumbled a couple times but I picked myself up and kept going each time. I realized who and what are important to me. I pushed my own limits and grew into a more knowledgeable person. I worked hard. I learned a tremendous amount. I’m fortunate to have been mentored (knowingly or not) by some of the most brilliant people. Finally, I realized that if I want to succeed, first and foremost, I need to have an honest relationship with myself. That’s the relationship I’ve been working hardest on since arriving in DC. It’s nowhere near perfect, but it’s improved a tremendous amount and getting richer each day.

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